what's being called male pattern depression." These symptoms may not only cause a man to get stuck in his
depression, but they can have a serious effect on the emotional stability
and health of his relationship. You can say "I don't
want to talk about it" or "I'm just tired" only so many
times before your partner stops trying. For women who are dealing
with a man who is possibly depressed, some help can be found in the book Is
He Depressed or What?" by David Wexler, Ph.D. He recommends that women
maintain perspective by talking about what's going on with friends and
family. Wexler also believes in establishing clear and consistent
boundaries. Helping a man get emotional
support can be a challenge in itself. Many men see asking for any kind of
assistance with their feelings as a sign of weakness. I suggest that if the
man you love isn't comfortable seeking counseling on his own, offer to do
it with him. But remember, just the process of talking about therapy can
cause a depressed man to be short-tempered and evade the issue. It's also advised that you
don't enable him by putting up with bad behavior. Don't allow his acting
out to wreak havoc in your home. The
symptoms of depression are as varied as the differences between men and
women. Women tend to be better at
expressing their emotions, even when those feelings are uncomfortable or
not easily identified. Women also often find it easier to let their sadness
out, by crying and talking with friends or a therapist about any
psychological pain. Men, on the other hand,
gravitate toward masking their depression by trying to ignore disturbing feelings,
overworking or even diverting their distress with substance abuse and sex.
Men also are inclined to exhibit more of the physical symptoms of
depression, such as chronic pain or fatigue, and can project blame or act
out aggressively, especially toward their partners. It's unfortunate that not
talking about feelings and seeking solace in isolation has become an
accepted male behavior. When men withdraw socially by watching television,
organizing the garage or working long hours, they may actually be avoiding
their emotional discomfort. Many men have difficulty
expressing sadness when faced with a disappointment or even grief. These
behaviors, along with not wanting to interact with loved ones, may be signs
of Gender Matters in Dealing
with Depression Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. practical and down-to-earth techniques that provide a
non-threatening forum for families to work out their difficulties. He also
writes articles for over 150 national publications. He received a commendation
from the City of About the
Author: Internationally
recognized counselor, speaker, and author, Dr. Barton Goldsmith is known
for his Remember that you can never
control another person, but you can set limits on what you will accept. Women have to gather their
forces and look for the right moment to say what is necessary to get the
man in their lives to take appropriate steps toward emotional healing.
Unfortunately, sometimes you can't get through to him. Wexler points out
that leaving the relationship may be a necessary last resort for
self-preservation. A woman in this situation
must take care of herself so that she can also care for her family. Keep
communicating and continue to work to rebuild your intimacy. It may save
your relationship and perhaps a life. www.EmotionalFitness.net
