Dealing with Adult ADD

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., MFT

Attention-deficit disorder (ADD) not only affects children. It is also something millions of adults deal with every day. The problems facing couples where one or both have ADD can be daunting.

A partner with ADD can steal most of the attention in a relationship and still feel misunderstood or judged. Behaviors of adults with ADD can include procrastination, financial mismanagement, stubbornness, poor organizational skills, crankiness, a low boredom threshold and chronic forgetfulness.

These behaviors, though unintentional, can make either partner feel unloved. They can also be severe enough that it may cause a person to consider ending his or her relationship before there is a thorough understanding of what's going on, and that would be a very poor choice.

If you suspect that you or your partner may be dealing with ADD, take heart, as there are many new methods for diagnosing and treating it. The first step is to find out exactly what is going on, and the only way to really do that is to get an accurate diagnosis from a medical professional (online tests will NOT give you the answers you need).

I suggest reading "Delivered from Distraction," by Drs. Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, to help you create an effective game plan.

Hallowell, who has adult ADD, recommends some emotionally balancing techniques for couples, such as focusing on what does work, and not being too hard on yourself or your partner for what doesn't. He says, "Simply put, do what you're good at and delegate what you're bad at." Hallowell added, "In some cases it can be a gift, many people with ADD are very creative and successful."

Other tips for living with an adult-ADD partner include taking breaks when arguments flair up, looking for humor where you can find it, avoiding the blame game and getting help as soon as possible.

Living with an ADD partner can be very stressful, but if you implement a few critical changes and break some bad habits, it can make an incredible difference and help you both find the love again. I have seen proper treatment of adult ADD correct bad behaviors, balance relationships and greatly improve a couple's romantic connection.

Do some research, get an accurate diagnosis and some outside support. Taking these steps will help to make both of your lives more peaceful, more productive and more loving.

AUTHOR’S BIO:
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., has resided and practiced in Westlake Village for a decade. He can be reached at 818-879-9996 or via e-mail at barton@emotionalfitness.net. Hear him live on KCLU Radio, 88.3FM, or online at www.kclu.org from 2 to 3 p.m. PST every Monday.