Monday, June 20, 2005

Are you the cat or the bunny in your relationship?

by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., MFT

both at your best. If your partner runs out of batteries in the evening and you have plans for dinner and a movie, suggest that he or she take a nap in the afternoon, that way your sweetheart will have more energy for you at night.

Realize that you don't have to do everything together to be a successful couple. If you support your partner in his or her desires, the favor will be returned. If your partner is a hiker you could make sure he or she has a protein bar and some water. If your loved one is making a pilgrimage to the outlet mall or the hardware store, you can have lunch or dinner ready when he or she returns home.

Participating doesn't mean that you have to be attached at the hip. It's more a matter of sharing the experience in some way versus feeling left out or being pushed in a direction that's uncomfortable for you.

It's also helpful to let your mate know what you want. If your partner falls asleep as soon as his or her head hits the pillow and you want to kiss and cuddle, make sure you say you've got some romantic intentions before the lights go out.

Trusting that eventually both of you will get what you want and need is key to helping you enjoy your life together. Differences in activity levels usually will shift over the years, I know people who took up marathon running late in life and others who left careers as professional athletes to write.